Rude boys

Yesterday was a weird day. I started stims and felt a little awful. We went to get some food at about 3 as neither of us had really eaten all day yesterday. After “breakfast”, we went to Wegmans to go grocery shopping. I love Wegmans, and could not think of moving where there wasn’t one, but that’s a different topic.

As I am reaching for something, my shirt came up and my oh so white, slowly bruising abdomen peeked out. The teenage boy next to me in the aisle laughed, pointed to his friends and snickered. My husband didn’t realize they were making me their target until they walked away. It was a good thing too, because most people don’t realize how deadly one of those white canes can be!

Okay, I fume and get over it and a few minutes later I feel nauseous. I tell him I’ll be right back and I head into the ladies room. As I walk in I am bombarded by a little boy of about 3 swinging on the door handle. Pushing past him, I enter the restroom only to have to climb over a shopping cart. Said shopping cart has a baby girl inside and nothing else. While I’m now fuming at the cart and the person who inconvenienced everyone entering the bathroom, I’m assaulted by a young boy. He pokes me in the stomach something fierce, and says “Mom, look how big her belly is”. So now, my nausea is compounded by anger, self loathing and a hatred for his mother, who says or does nothing. No awkward glance, no shushing of the boy, who should have been old enough to know better. I would have said something, except the room was jammed and I didn’t want to make a scene. Part of me was afraid I was going to vomit if I opened my mouth. Finally a stall opens, and I go in and lean against the door. After fighting back the waves, I walk out to find my husband, who I had to leave in an aisle.

Normally I would write both of these off as stupid. Pre-teen boys have nothing better to do than pick on people. Kids don’t know any better. They don’t know that this belly comes from too many cycles of fertility drugs so that I can end up with a child who will NEVER be a brat like them. I wanted to run into them in an aisle so I could correct the child, or confront his mother. Maybe I’m oversensitive. Maybe they just caught me on a bad day. But it bothered me so much. Not so much the older kid, cause I know someday he’ll be balding and impotent with a bigger gut than mine. But the little boy and his mom. He looked about 8. I guess I expected her to correct him, or tell him to apologize or make a remark to me about how he was sorry. I guess the majority of parents don’t raise their children the way I was raised. I guess all this time trying to have a baby has made me evaluate what kind of parent I want to be, and that isn’t it. I don’t even know where I’m going here, I’m rambling, but it was bothering me, and I wanted to share this with you because I thought some of you might understand.

things

things for you to know about me:

I have gray eyes with scars on each iris
I am the oldest of three
I got my name thanks to “Katie” in The Way We Were, and the spelling of my full name comes from Katharine Hepburn
I have spoken in front of congress
I have weird skin allergies when it comes to dyes/ingredients

I always use SPF of 45 or above

I was not a dog person until I met my husband

I will stay up all night reading if the book is good enough
I haven’t read much since my last eye surgery

I have sung with an orchestra
I had to go to my senior prom by myself
I save everything that might have a shred of sentimental value
I carry my camera with me at all times
I worry too much, I worry about worrying
My parents are still married, and my husband’s are as well
I’m a published poet
I know grade one Braille

I don’t have many friends
I can make conversation with anyone about anything
I always pick a woman cashier at the grocery store, even if a man’s line is shorter
My sister is the only person on earth who can drive me insane
I’m married, but lonely
I will sing along to a song, even if I hate it
I have lost two babies
I’m technically a Catholic

I started and now run a RESOLVE chapter
In high school, it was rumored that I was having an affair with the school counselor
I used to flirt mercilessly with my fertility specialist when he was on my answering service, before I was married, or his patient
I played Mother Superior in the Sound of Music, I am a broadway/show tunes junkie
I hate blue pens
I like Chinese food
I love my best friend, but her husband drives me nuts
I used to have two cats
I was married on Valentine’s day
I have good friends around the country whom I have never met

I often have trouble sleeping
I wear a 9 shoe
I cannot sew
I don’t drink caffeine anymore

I’ve never had a fun birthday party
When I talk to people who have accents, I sometimes start to acquire a similar one
My paternal grandmother died 4 days before I was born, I had a birthmark on my forehead, and everyone believed that she kissed me and sent me down
I was there when my maternal grandmother died
I’m unusually at ease at funerals
I do better with children and older adults than I do with my peers, I have no friends around my age
I’ve never seen the ocean up close
I’ve ridden a greyhound bus from here to CO and back
I’ve never watched an episode of American Idol

I’ve been arrested
I haven’t held a baby in almost a year
I love scrapbook magazines
I’m a Scorpio
I have a chunk missing out of my tibia
I have very long eyelashes
I’m forgetful
I like to use made up words and phrases
I hoard pens
My books, CD’s, computer files, have to be organized and alphabetized

I get the hiccups pretty often
I don’t know how to swim
I’d like to vacation in Greece
I never went on a honeymoon
I like white chocolate
I am deathly afraid of spiders
As a teenager, and young adult, I was in love with an unattainable man
I’ve sung the national anthem in public
I cry very easily
I wish I was more interesting
I’m afraid of losing my father
I know I will most likely be the caretaker for both sets of our parents
I’m very stubborn
I hate that my husband never argues with me
I don’t want to be alone, but I don’t know if I like being a wife

I like some country music
I curse in traffic
I love the first postcard snowstorm each winter
I have performed in Shakespeare in the Park
Very attractive men make me nervous
I love to make people laugh
I look a lot like my mom
I love to get my hair done
I threw away my journals a few years ago, and could kick myself for it now
I have pretty handwriting
I sometimes get annoyed with all my husband’s work crap laying around
I have a hard time saying no

I wonder if I’m going to be a mother
I wonder what life will be like if I’m not