Sometimes I think about all the things in life I’ve gotten through and wonder how I did it. It’s no bragging, it’s more like sheer wonder at the fact that you were able to exist past that moment. March 26th was one of those days. Another shoulda been due date, if only the IVF had worked. It was a day for family, my sister’s birthday. There were jokes about her as a soon to be wife and someday mother. Comments about her future children. It’s funny, my parents make no comments about mine anymore.
The situation with them is odd. They know, but they don’t. If they make a comment about when I have kids, I deflect it or roll my eyes or change the subject.
I worked a RESOLVE event this weekend. My mother said, “well, I know you don’t know whether or not you’ll have children for sure, but you should just tell people at RESOLVE that while parenthood is a great source of joy it’s also a great source of sorrow”. She’s not sure she’d have done it all the same if she could go back in time. O – Kay. Well, regardless of the fact that it’s an insult to me as one of her children, that bothered me. It’s like a billionaire saying he’d rather go back and be poor (knowing no one will be taking him back in time). I think it’s easy to say that when your kids are driving you crazy, but I can’t believe too many parents really mean it. I don’t know where I’m going with that, but I needed to share.
Anyway. Survival is one of the strongest instincts a person has. I find it ironic that maternal instincts can be just as strong. I never thought I would live my life just surviving through events.
I just want to make it to a point where I do more than just exist, more than just survive.
My brother took the husband and I to lunch today. Granted, it was only Burger King (yuck) but we ran into him and he offered. We hadn’t visited with him since January, so it was nice to do so. Husband and I are going to the RESOLVE conference in MD next week. We’ll spend one day in DC and then stay in Arlington, VA. I know some of you are nearby, anyone want to meet for coffee or something?
School is okay. We’ve been doing a lot of traveling around so he can do his student teaching. I just can’t wait until we’ve reached the “it was so worth it” point.
Are you reading, or writing, a good IF blog? I want to read it. As you can see, my first set of blogs are dwindling. And while I still check on those of you who have moved on, I would love to see a new bunch of blogs added to my list.
A woman I know from RESOLVE had her baby this weekend. She tried for seven (maybe closer to ten) years before she had success. It was the first birth in a long time that left me feeling nothing but happiness.
We are still feeling a little sorry for ourselves. I haven’t been talking to him about it, but I’m sure he picked up on the lack of talking about it. When you have those unsuccessful cycles, you can’t help but remember where you’d be by now if you had been lucky…