Careful or careless

Husband confronted me.  Asked if I want to leave.

He thinks I don’t love him anymore. He tries to make everything so much more simple than it is.

I have been getting out of the house. Between the chemo and the side effects, I haven’t felt well, and when I feel better, I want to take advantage of those days. The only times I have left in the previous week was to go watch our friends kids. I’ve been spending time with them. Yes, I’m tired and it’s pretty much a case of three kids under three, but I love them. They don’t treat me different and they give the best hugs.

But lately, I go out, and it’s not for a reason. I stretch a trip to the grocery store, or to my mom’s house into a few hours. Sometimes I just wander around when I get to the places I’m supposed to go. I wonder what it would be like to walk away from my life. I daydream about other possibilities.

I think I’m being careless. Funny, I’m not sure I care.