Post game wrap-up

Her wedding was beautiful. I cried in the morning waiting for my dad to pick me up and take me to my sister’s house. We spent the morning together, getting ready, then the other bridesmaids showed up. (Nice thing about my current state – no crazy hairdo to contend with)

I brought champagne to make mimosa’s and brought fruit. I wanted to make sure she ate something before she got dressed. We were a little tipsy as we ran around in our robes and heels.

Her best friend, our “godsister” and the groom’s brother’s girlfriend came and got dressed, and my parents arrived shortly after. We were hanging around waiting, the photographers were late. It gave me time to indulge my own photography though.

Picture taking @ her condo and the limo ride to the church were a little tense. The monster reared it’s head as she got nervous. At one point, she told my mother to “shut the fuck up and stop looking at her”. Lovely.

She cried from the minute she walked into the back room of the church until they walked back down the aisle.

The ceremony was nice. Husband read his reading well. Brother’s girlfriend somehow got skipped over. Damn ancient Monsignor forgot to call her up. I didn’t fall off the stairs as I came up & down the altar area! Her friends from work brought the gifts, and we laughed, because no one could find them. The table had never been put back into the aisle, and the folks weren’t Catholic, so they weren’t really sure where to look.

It was sweet to watch him look at her during their vows. My wedding was the first time I really wished husband was sighted. I’ve always tried to make it a non-issue, but it’s popping up in my mind a lot lately.

Okay, back to the day. Winnnnnnndy! We couldn’t do pics all at Rick Snowden’s house (yes, of Rick’s Tally Ho fame for you locals)

So, we did some there, and then did some at the Albright-Knox Art Gallery. The girls they hired were good, and didn’t mind that I often took shots, as long as I didn’t get in the way. It did seem to bother my sister though. Oops.

Sister’s brand new mother in law gave the boys a hard time while we were wrapping up pictures. They wanted to pick up some champagne to start the party, and she felt the need to remind them that this was not their day and they were behaving like idiots. Wow. Two of the four guys were her sons, but all four were adults, and were just trying to enjoy themselves/joke around. A lecture was not necessary.

Once we got to the Banquet Hall, I was relieved. Then, I fell out of the limo! Classic Kate move. I’m such a klutz. I fell face first, I was lucky my brother whirled around to catch me. I did bust up my leg though. Sister glared, and made some comment I ignored. I was hoping that the fun might start since she could now relax and/or drink. She panicked about starting the reception line late (Mom and Dad took a detour and stopped to get Mom more comfortable shoes) but quieted down as the music started.

The best man gave a sweet speech about the first time he met my sister, and welcomed her to the G family. I gave my speech and was floored at how well I pulled it off. I never mind speaking in public, but I was aware of my current state, and I think everyone worried I couldn’t do it. As I reminded my mother though, I’m tougher than I look. I made them laugh, made my parents cry and got a standing ovation. Yeah… I wish every day something I did ended that way.

Reception was nice, we had fun. Didn’t notice the swollen throbbing leg until the end, when I sat down as the DJ packed up and everyone left. Bad move. I would show a pic of it, but it’s awful. It really came to a peak this morning. Ugly. Oh well, another family event, another scar or wound!

Have to finish going through all the shots I took, and put my leg up…

Wedding countdown

My sister gets married tomorrow. All week, I’ve been stressed. Tonight is the rehearsal, and I hope all goes smoothly.

She’s not been too much of a bridezilla this week, I think she’s down to 5 calls per day, which is a significant improvement.

The fact that I’m celebrating my sister’s marriage while my own is circling the drain? It’s getting to me, big time. I’m feeling weak, crying whenever I get a minute alone, which isn’t often.

The dress is set.
I saw the gyn/onc for my shots and some drugs to ensure I can make it through a long day without feeling fatigued.
Picked up the shoes, bought the bra (industrial looking, my first strapless)
Got everything for the emergency bag.
Have my camera bag ready, even the extras.
In-laws agreed to take Theo, so that’s one other thought off my mind.
Dad is picking up husband’s suit from the tailor.
I have nothing left to do today but get ready.

Tomorrow should be interesting.

I’ve avoided husband because we’re on shaky ground and emotionally, I can’t handle him, and all this. These drugs make me crazy, and family induced stress is enough.

lost

Things at home, not so good.  He’s been really depressed. Depression is not helping the situation.

He barely talks to me. I asked his friend to take him out one of these days, just to give him something to look forward to.

If it were just rejection maybe I could handle it. But add in passiveness, indifference, silence, and it brings me to tears.

I’m lonely. I want more than this out of my life, my marriage; but I don’t know what to do.

chaos

I can pretend that everything is tolerable, that life is okay – that the chaos is temporary.

I know better

I think, so does everyone else…