Bad wife

Last night, I did not want to take my husband to his little “event”. I did. I ran a few errands. I picked husband up, and despite giving a slight elbow into his ribs, we ended up at dinner with other participants. I was not friendly, I didn’t feel the need to be.

Side note: Having some issues as my body “rights” itself hormonally. This does not help.

I feel the change in the atmosphere when I want to be bad. I smiled at too many men in Target last night. I’m not the overt type. I’m subtle. Most men don’t even notice me, I’m overweight and not typically attractive. I’m not out with twice the makeup and half the outfit. I don’t hit on men, I make playful conversation. I may be wearing slutty panties, but they’re hidden under conservative clothes. I don’t wear a wedding ring though (If anyone asked, I would say I’m married, but I forget repeatedly to have it sized) and I wonder if men notice.

I know I’m not a good wife. I know I most likely fall into the bad wife category. Sometimes, it’s hard to think about that. Sometimes, I just don’t care. While I know there’s a lot at play, the rejection from my husband over the years wears at me. Even if things magically improved, the damage is done. I need to be wanted and desired, even if at a distance. Even if for only a brief moment.

4 thoughts on “Bad wife

  1. be the bad wife…! i wonder what my wife would do if i took flirting to the next level. i was approached at a fundraiser by 2 women and she noticed…. she ofcourse didnt do anything because i made light of the conversation and excused myself because i knew she was watching…
    i wonder if she would step in…to make sure her man wasnt led away simply because she wasnt taking care of him in bed…
    it would be nice every once and awhile to reminded why i shouldnt look the other way….
    …btw, we ALWAYS notice…

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  2. Ah yes. To be wanted. That is important. So much more so when you’ve gotten the message loud and clear over the years that the opposite is true.
    At some point, you won’t believe any short term change in his attitude. Because you’ll know it’s just that. Short term. Not a genuine change of heart.
    Yes, the damage is done and frankly I can’t lay much (if any) of the blame on the neglected partner. Been there, done that. It doesn’t feel good. If it helps any, just know you aren’t alone in this situation.
    TAG

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  3. It was if I had written that… only if in that altered state I was female. I so want to be wanted by my wife, but it hurts more to try and be disappointed than just to pretend that I don’t need to feel wanted. I feel selfish at times and pissed off at others. Lately the former has been winning more than not.
    I’ve been frank with her, I’ve almost begged. I’d like to excuse myself and say it’s just the sex I miss. Sure, I miss that. I’d love nothing more than to try and drive her though the headboard with my thrusting and to spend time feeling her clit roll on my tongue – but it’s deeper than that. I miss the attention, feeling like I’m wanted. Needed.
    At one point I actually placed little reminders in my outlook calendar to remind me it was we made love. That was two years ago and I’ve since given up.
    I’ve been approached a few times. Tempted.. yes. But it’s her attention I desire and maybe thats why I feel so hurt.
    Thanks Kate – good to know it’s not just me.

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