I feel here as if I’m operating on a different level. I know that I’m more peaceful and happy. With the exception of the temporary job hunt, I can’t complain about much.
Love isn’t a cure all. However, having someone I can talk to, about anything, is so much better than I could have imagined. We are sharing our concerns, our fears, our frustrations with one another. When something happens, good or bad, the other has been the first to hear about it; As we step further and further into this relationship, we talk. We talk about what scares us, what worries us, how we feel, what we’re doing. It feels very “right”, it is adult and responsible, and at the same time, it’s the most fun I’ve ever had in a relationship.
I’ve always kept a part of me hidden away. Family and friends get certain parts of me, lover another, strangers yet another segment. Never revealing everything to anyone. Slowly though, I let him behind the walls. We had reasons to keep things quiet, to keep those parts concealed, but our connection prompted us both to trust. We’ve divulged things we’ve never told another soul. We’re aware of the other’s demons, flaws, passions, hopes, anxieties. There is still a need to push at times. I have a tendency to withdraw, to once again not be a bother or a burden. Only, he’s not deterred. He is at times relentless, and will give me just enough room to breathe, while urging me to tell.
Sometimes, there isn’t much to tell, and sometimes there’s a buildup of emotions. I worry about finding work, I miss those who live so far away, I wonder when I’ll make a few more connections here.
I am wondering about so many things, but I am firm in the belief that I should be here. I feel home. I’m getting familiar with this area, I’m learning my way around and finding things to enjoy. I feel welcome, and happy, and loved.
There are some pieces in place, others in the works. A few are still up in the air, but I can accept that.