Last night I found myself dehydrated with a worried boyfriend.
I’ve never been the one who needed to be taken care of. Correction, I did need it, but it was a need unmet. Having no one I felt would take care of me wore on me. It was a major contributing factor to the end of my marriage.
And yet, last night, I found myself ill equipped to be in the opposite position. While I know he wanted to make me feel better, that he wants to take care of me because he loves me, I found myself feeling uneasy.
It has been a continual struggle to rely on him and not feel like a burden. To accept his care and concern willingly without worrying.
I feel like I was probably ungrateful, that I seemed belligerent. It was more embarrassment that I felt so poorly, that I needed his help. And maybe a bit of shock, still, at the fact that he’s happy to help; that he worries because he loves me and that he cares because he wants to.