Unwell

Last night I found myself dehydrated with a worried boyfriend.

I’ve never been the one who needed to be taken care of. Correction, I did need it, but it was a need unmet. Having no one I felt would take care of me wore on me. It was a major contributing factor to the end of my marriage.

And yet, last night, I found myself ill equipped to be in the opposite position. While I know he wanted to make me feel better, that he wants to take care of me because he loves me, I found myself feeling uneasy.

It has been a continual struggle to rely on him and not feel like a burden. To accept his care and concern willingly without worrying.

I feel like I was probably ungrateful, that I seemed belligerent. It was more embarrassment that I felt so poorly, that I needed his help. And maybe a bit of shock, still, at the fact that he’s happy to help; that he worries because he loves me and that he cares because he wants to.

2 thoughts on “Unwell

  1. It is hard for strong women to rely on people. Especially when you have suppressed that side of yourself for so long.

    Give yourself time to adjust. I am sure if you explain it to him when you are well he will understand.

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  2. Babydoll, It’s hard for anyone to accept help. When you feel lousy it’s even harder not to be grumpy. It’s in both our natures to be the care givers and not the receivers. Love is like that though, sometimes you’re on top and sometimes I am. You’re in a new environment here, struggling to find work, and this relationship is something completely new to both of us. I love you and I didn’t do any more than you would have done for me… and you know it.

    Like

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