Damsel in distress

Given the situation with my ex – I know I shouldn’t say anything. If he and I lived only 10 minutes apart, I’m sure somehow I’d most likely be helping him recover from last week’s surgery.

Still, I’m annoyed.

She can’t remember his birthday, but she remembers his phone number when her sinks back up.

She treated him like crap for their entire marriage and continues to do so since they’re divorced. But he is the fix it guy, he wants to help. I think it’s just that last bad habit to break.

And I’m not really mad. Sunday is his day off, he can do what he wants with it, we weren’t in the middle of anything, there are no plans. I just hate that she has that power.

Sweetheart

Today is sweetest day.

To my sweetest:

With you by my side, everything in the world seems sweeter. Good things are better because I share them with you, and then I get to see you smile. Bad things are only half as bad, because I know I can count on you to help me get through them. With you, I know I have someone who gets me, who understands the parts of me that other people don’t even know exist. With you, I have everything anyone could ever want. Someone who’s sexy, thoughtful, fun; someone I happen to love very much; someone who happens to be my best friend.

*Sweetest Day is an observance celebrated primarily in the Great Lakes region and parts of the Northeast United States on the third Saturday in October. Once known as a day to spread love and cheer to the unfortunate, this popular holiday in the northern U.S. is now known as a day to show affection to the loved ones in your life.

I realize it is one of those Hallmark holidays that no one really recognizes. Some people think it’s just a reason to guilt your guy into flowers or a dinner out, or perhaps your gal into something she’s been holding out on. (I hear some girls are like that)

However, it’s a day I choose to celebrate. As a girl, my father brought home chocolate hearts with our names on them. One for each of my siblings and I. Every sweetest day, into my early teens, I woke to one of these waiting for me. I was saddened by the closing of the shop across from my father’s work, as it ended this tradition.

Later, my dad arranged for us to get carnations at school. While lots of kids would have thought this dorky, my friends were jealous and I was touched that he would hijack the program where students sent flowers to one another to make sure we got one.

I haven’t celebrated in a while. Two years ago, sweetest day fell on October 20th, my sister’s wedding day, and it was a nice way to mark the holiday, I even got flowers in a roundabout way, since I was the matron of honor.

And so, while it may be silly and frivolous, I will enjoy the day, treat my coworkers to something nice and make sure my sweetest sweetheart knows how much he’s loved and appreciated.

OK is a relative term

The ex is OK – there’s no nerve damage besides a face that doesn’t want to smile and there wasn’t much cancerous tissue in his face and neck.

My parents are OK – as they wait, both out of work, to find out if my father will either get one of the jobs he’s interviewed for or if the unemployment will be extended. As they wait and worry that they’ll lose their home.

My boyfriend is OK – though he seems so stressed both mentally and physically lately.

I am OK – though my job sucks and I worry constantly about money and all the people in my life.

random remarks

– I wish airline prices around the holidays were more reasonable. I’m not sure I can go home and it’s amazing to think it’s almost a year (may be more) before I see my family again.

– Haven’t heard anything yet, but he said he’d call as soon as he was able, and I shouldn’t worry if I didn’t hear from him. I know I would have (hopefully) gotten a call if something was wrong.

– I’m sitting in a cute blue nightie, trying to relax, and laughing, knowing you have to sometimes, at pictures of my sister’s new puppy.

– I still hate work, but at least I have a job.

– I am trying to decide what to get my sister for her anniversary and my best friend for her birthday.

– I haven’t decided if I’m excited about my birthday or not.

– I need some new blogs to read. Suggestions?

plea

I pray that at 10:45 am CST when they wheel him in, the doctors are rested and on top of their game.

That the anesthesiologist is careful, the nurses attentive and kind.

That they don’t nick the nerve in his face, that there isn’t much cancer left to remove. That he comes through OK, without loss of voice or facial control.

That he will be OK. That he can rest and recover and gear up for the next round of hell.

Hard on me

Some days I feel like a failure as a girl:

I can’t find a Halloween costume I like

I don’t think I look good / sexy in anything.

I suck at painting my nails, no patience and perfectionism – a bad mix.

I often fuck up when I’m trying to be cute, playful, funny and sexy and end up being none of the above.

I don’t have a good hand with makeup or do my hair.

I have more than once in recent weeks broken my “panties should match the bra” rule.