There is a comfort in a quiet Sunday. The lazy ones where you sit in your comfortable clothes, hair up in a bouncy ponytail. When you sleep in late, play yoga on the Wii, watch too much Tosh.0 and enjoy a day with the man you love.
It might not be the most exciting life – but it’s mine and I love it.
I woke up to snow this morning. Seemed appropriate for some reason. I mean, sure, I’m a little shocked. It is May 24th after all, and even in places where winter hangs on, spring is in full force.
But, it fits. It’s her day, the should have been birthday of the daughter that wasn’t to be. I still think about it, every year on this day; what it would have been like. How my life would be SO different now if I had not lost that baby.
I’m pretty content most of the time that it didn’t work. I look at motherhood now like one of those dreams you had as a child. The ones, that as an adult, didn’t quite land within your reach. Wistful, I know how much I wanted it then. One look at the old posts here reminds me. But, that seems far away. I no longer long to have children daily. I’m at peace with what happened for the most part and am happy with where I am now.
I know she is at peace as well. That makes it easier.
Our trip home was nice. Much better than I would have expected.
It seemed like everyone got along. My parents treated him like family, as they do all new people, and he felt welcomed. My sister was the queen of hospitality, to my surprise, and he appreciated the efforts she went to.
We met friends and family, had a barbecue, went to brunch; I showed him around my hometown, took him up to see the falls.
I enjoyed the alone time we did have while we were there. He enjoyed discovering things about me he was previously unaware of, like just how nerdy I was as a child.
It instilled confidence in my family and in the hope that someday we will all be comfortable together again. It saddened me a bit because I feel torn between two worlds at times.
I miss my family, but it was good to see them and I’m glad they’ve finally met the man who makes me happy.
I am nervous and stressed, still.
I am hoping my family isn’t too crazy, or embarrassing.
I’m hoping we have a safe and uneventful flight and a good, fun weekend.
I have some new clothes, a passport to break in and family to hug.
I love him so much, I can only hope he enjoys the weekend as well.
A big to do list today. Laundry, packing, errands and such. Trying not to stress about the flying, the introductions, the money and so on.