Goals, ambitions and a 5 year plan

I don’t have a 5 year plan.

I’m not the kind of person who has it all figured out that way. Life has changed so drastically over the last 5 that I wouldn’t even know where to start.

I want to have a job that challenges me, that gives me the financial ability to  have a little freedom, pay my bills, perhaps start a business.  But that’s just it; what business would I start? I have too many ideas and not enough money to run with them all.

I feel like I have many bankable talents – but which of those passions / talents could really bring me success?

At one point, I could see myself working constantly, no time off, no vacation. I don’t know if I was that driven or if I just liked diving into work because it meant I had to spend less time at home. Now, at home, I am happiest. If I could travel around the country, the world even, with him, I would. Just exploring and having an adventure together. Each day with him brings me something new and time away from him – while necessary for work – it drags.

I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Sometimes I think about going back to school, but the idea of student loans now is daunting. At this age, why would I want to get into that now? Then, other times I think about going out on my own again, whether it’s something as simple as a small sweet shop or something closer to what I was doing before, in the medical field; or opening a big non-profit and running it.

I wish I had a little guidance, a little better idea of what I wanted to do with myself. I’ve debated it, pondered it and really looked in my heart. I can only come up with one set of thoughts. Since my diagnosis a few years ago, I’ve had this persistent voice in the back of my head. “You never know how much time you have left” and because of this, I don’t want to waste it. I know some tedious things are necessary. You can’t skip doing your laundry because laundry is not exciting enough with your limited life, same goes for work.

I just want to know that I made a contribution, that I left something better than how it was before. I want to be happy too. Maybe that’s a goal in itself. Maybe that is enough for me.

talk to me

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