scared and stupid

This weekend is the boyfriend’s work party at the local amusement park.  Every year they do it in October – a family picnic type event. Keep in mind October is fickle in this part of the country. It is supposed to be something like 89 degrees this Saturday. First strike.

I don’t hate Halloween. I love pumpkins and candy and costumes. I hate being spooked though, and spiders. The idea of a haunted house freaks me the fuck out. There are several at the event. Now, yes, I know, they’re staffed with teenagers and there’s nothing actually scary about them. Except that I get nervous when people jump out at me.

Add to that my fear of roller-coasters and other types of rides. I’m fine with say, a carousel or a ferris-wheel, but I literally feel like I will die on a roller-coaster. I don’t get the euphoric rush most people get. I’m just grateful to be off and I try not to puke while I sob and ask him to not make me ride any more.

He doesn’t make me ride another. He never made me in the first place.

I push myself so that I am not the boring stick in the mud. I want to have fun, screaming and throwing my hands up. Instead, I scream in terror and tell him “I hate you” while my eyes stay pressed shut. As if impending death is easier to take in the dark.

I need a little resolve, a little bravery for this weekend. I wish I could be carefree about it.

One thought on “scared and stupid

  1. I love Hallowe’en for the ambience, but I hate being startled. Hate it, hate it, hate it. Family members who try affectionately to sneak up behind me and yell “Surprise!” … only do it once. Yeah, I’m that bad. (A little tightly wound, are we Hosea?)

    I also get nauseated on roller coasters. Fortunately when we go to fun parks as a family, Son 2 feels the same way. I’ll stay on the ground with him, while Wife and Son 1 go up in the air. Not for me, thanks.

    But yes, I know I’m missing out on some stuff.

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