I’m not someone who gets involved in drama if I can help it. I try not to gossip, and while I’m not always good at it, I try not to worry what everyone thinks of me.
However these things get started, I try my best to stay out of them. Then I find out they involve me. A friend, and former coworker took me to lunch and informed me of some goings on that I should be aware of. She let me know I may want to remove some ladies as “friends” on Facebook.
I am NOT a Facebook person. I only joined out of guilt to stay in touch with siblings, cousins and such back home. I have about 20 friends total, most of whom I’m related to. When I was unexpectedly laid off, I had a few of my coworkers request to be friends on there. I declined those I no longer cared to speak with, and approved a couple.
I know Facebook can be a dangerous place. For bullying, for stalking, for catching indiscretions and taking wistful glances at first loves. It seemed innocent enough, I don’t post much, I don’t put up pics of me doing anything inappropriate. However, it seems these “friends” decided to approach me on Facebook simply for ammunition. They used my occasional posts and pictures as fodder for jokes, commenting on my relationship, my activities, my appearance, my home, my weight.
They didn’t say anything to me. They never commented on things, they never really responded to anything I said. I assumed they were busy. However, these were women I trusted, that I did consider friends, that I thought loved me in that way we love our friends like family.
I was wrong. It hurts. I feel betrayed. I’m mad at the friend for telling me, because I wonder why she had to share this with me, knowing I wouldn’t know otherwise. I don’t make friends easily, I don’t trust many people and I don’t like letting people in.
As a teen, I was bullied, I didn’t fit in. I didn’t even have that ONE friend that so many of the kids on the fringe have. I had people I sat with at lunch, but they found excuses for not coming to my birthday party, even though I went to all of theirs, spending my babysitting money on gifts I had really thought about. I gave up on the idea of real friends when some of mine disappeared as they had children and I didn’t; as my cancer progressed, as I got divorced.
Slowly, I’ve tried. D was my best friend before anything else. I have another friend I met that I have spent time with and I’m almost there with her. I just have a really hard time. This doesn’t make it easier.