Progress

I had to think about the last baby shower I attended.

There was one at work, but it was more of a lunch where I brought balloons and handmade onesie cookies. There was no big show, no games.

The last one before that, well, I can’t really be sure to be honest. I know I’ve sent baby gifts, and I know I attended quite a few christenings, but it’s been years since the last real shower.

I remember a time when I couldn’t make it more than twenty minutes or so without excusing myself outside or to the restroom. When every small outfit held up for admiration caused a quivering lip. When even the invitation caused tears.

Tonight, I sat with a beautiful, funny, talented group of women. I may have had a couple of moments where I wavered and wanted to run, but for the most part, I felt included. I wasn’t the only one without kids and no one asked me if I had any or when I was going to. Nobody made me feel like the childless barren one. I tried not to get stuck in my own negative loop either. I met some new faces, saw some familiar ones and tasted some wonderful dishes courtesy of these awesome ladies (who happen to be food bloggers).

I sniffed a little on the way home, and I was sad for a moment over the shower I never had, the babies who never made their appearance, the bump that never popped. I thought about the nursery that never was, and the family I just couldn’t make happen no matter how hard I tried.

My pregnancies were lost. My infertility treatments were a bust. My adoption failed. My heart broke.

My heart has started to recover.

Life didn’t end. Life goes on. Progress is made.

9 thoughts on “Progress

  1. Life does go on, Kate. Even when our life seems frozen at times. I loved these lines:

    “and I was sad for a moment over the shower I never had, the babies who never made their appearance, the bump that never popped. I thought about the nursery that never was, and the family I just couldn’t make happen no matter how hard I tried.”

    You are a fighter, survivor!

    Like

  2. As St. Elsewhere said, you are a fighter and survivor. It takes strength to continue on when all you want to do it throw in the towel. It takes strength to live the life that does go on.

    Much love to you.

    P.S. Thank you for stopping by my blog.

    Like

talk to me

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s