While D is looking for work, the stress builds. I am a rambling mess of hectic thoughts.

I’m worrying about finances, the holidays, my job. My house seems more disorganized, as I clean while depressed, but stash things where they don’t belong either out of carelessness or lack of attention.

I still debate leaving the area, to move back home; switching jobs for something that pays better, to give D more freedom to find what will work best for him. He’s closer to retirement than entry-level, and while I know he’ll settle for something, if it comes to that, I’m hoping it won’t.

I’m feeling my usual October funk, paired with this problem. I feel sad and upset that I won’t get to celebrate my birthday much, and that I will not be traveling home at the holidays.

I’m trying to psych myself out of this bad mood, but I’m failing.