do you know that every time we hung up, I would almost whisper “I love you”, as if I couldn’t possibly keep it in any longer?

like I had been holding my breath

your laugh, or one of those sounds you make when incredulous, or aggravated; would raise something in me I struggled to keep down, to keep in place.

 I have it under control now, but I pause to wonder if something would cause it to tip again
could the slightest provocation start me back?